10 Truths About Your Family Nobody Will Ever Tell You
1. Drinking can sometimes help.
2. Your Mama can be both your best friend and your worst enemy.
3. There is NO substitute for a good father.
4. No family keeps secrets forever, but there will always be one that you don’t know and everybody else does.
5. Mothers treat sons better.
6. There are only 3 gifts between family members that matter, love, patience and forgiveness.
7. Black kids are really not that different from white kids.
8. Everything don’t run in da family, some of that shit just you.
9. People are able to change.
10. There is a gay in every one.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
LOL Wednesday
You know you are CORPORATE GHETTO......
if two or more of the following are true:
1. You don't officially start working in the morning until you read your emails.
2. You have at least one drawer/cabinet that contains more food than office supplies.
3. Not only do you know all the security guards, janitors and cafeteria workers, one
of them has asked you out on a date.
4. Your version of a conference call is when you call your friends and plan what you
are doing for the weekend.
5. The only time your man/woman picks you up from work is on payday.
6. Friends and family members call you at work to cuss you out because you
didn't answer your phone quick enough.
7. You paint your nails at your desk.
8. When you are on a personal call you, laugh so loud your co-workers on the
other side of the office come and ask you what's so funny.
9. You have pictures on your wall with you and your friends at the club.
10.To beat the system, you have codes for personal calls that let's someone
know to call you right back. (Let the phone ring two times and call me right back).
11. You give your out-of-town friends your company's 1-800 number.
12. Before calling in sick, you rehearse your sick voice and sick story several times out loud.
13. Coworkers inquire how your father's surgery went that required you to be out
for days and you don't even know who your daddy is.
14. You use the company's postage machine to stamp your personal mail.
15. Your kid's school supplies all have your company insignia on them, you order
personal supplies for you and your kids.
16. You call in sick on payday Friday and send your cousin to pick up your paycheck.
(Now THAT'S REAL ghetto!! Get direct deposit!!)
17. You contribute $1 to the office Christmas party, eat the most food and take
a platter of lunch meat and potato salad home to your family for dinner.
18. Before someone uses your telephone at your desk, they have to wipe
the chicken grease off the handset.
19. You call in sick on Friday because you went out on Thursday.
20. You don't like your supervisor and a couple other coworkers and you tell
them off on a regular basis and wonder why you haven't been promoted.
21. You get your haircut/hair done on lunch and come back two hours later and
then ask "Was anybody looking for me?".
22.. You cuss your creditors out for calling you at work.
23. You come to work on Friday's dressed for the club.
24. Your kids call your job and say to the operator, "Let me speak to my Mama"
25. You are sitting there reading this instead of getting your work done.
if two or more of the following are true:
1. You don't officially start working in the morning until you read your emails.
2. You have at least one drawer/cabinet that contains more food than office supplies.
3. Not only do you know all the security guards, janitors and cafeteria workers, one
of them has asked you out on a date.
4. Your version of a conference call is when you call your friends and plan what you
are doing for the weekend.
5. The only time your man/woman picks you up from work is on payday.
6. Friends and family members call you at work to cuss you out because you
didn't answer your phone quick enough.
7. You paint your nails at your desk.
8. When you are on a personal call you, laugh so loud your co-workers on the
other side of the office come and ask you what's so funny.
9. You have pictures on your wall with you and your friends at the club.
10.To beat the system, you have codes for personal calls that let's someone
know to call you right back. (Let the phone ring two times and call me right back).
11. You give your out-of-town friends your company's 1-800 number.
12. Before calling in sick, you rehearse your sick voice and sick story several times out loud.
13. Coworkers inquire how your father's surgery went that required you to be out
for days and you don't even know who your daddy is.
14. You use the company's postage machine to stamp your personal mail.
15. Your kid's school supplies all have your company insignia on them, you order
personal supplies for you and your kids.
16. You call in sick on payday Friday and send your cousin to pick up your paycheck.
(Now THAT'S REAL ghetto!! Get direct deposit!!)
17. You contribute $1 to the office Christmas party, eat the most food and take
a platter of lunch meat and potato salad home to your family for dinner.
18. Before someone uses your telephone at your desk, they have to wipe
the chicken grease off the handset.
19. You call in sick on Friday because you went out on Thursday.
20. You don't like your supervisor and a couple other coworkers and you tell
them off on a regular basis and wonder why you haven't been promoted.
21. You get your haircut/hair done on lunch and come back two hours later and
then ask "Was anybody looking for me?".
22.. You cuss your creditors out for calling you at work.
23. You come to work on Friday's dressed for the club.
24. Your kids call your job and say to the operator, "Let me speak to my Mama"
25. You are sitting there reading this instead of getting your work done.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Two Bites of a Rotten Apple
OMG, OMG OMG – for those of you who have been with me since the beginning, you know that the inspiration for this blog stemmed from the extreme disappointment I felt after being stood up at the last minute by a potential beau. This inconsiderate behavior combined with a sense of looming defeat at the fact that I still haven’t found my prince after a decade of F’ing dating (i.e. searching) led to a week or two of some serious depression, almost resulting in me giving up men all together…..almost…(Brandy singing in the background “almost doesn’t count”).
So it has been about a month since I started blogging; two weeks of depression and a few weeks of being back in the saddle, looking and feeling good. WELL WOULDN”T YOU F’ING KNOW IT…….Do I even have to tell you…….Guess who decides to call out of the blue……Mr. Can’t tell time, To lazy to send a text, Can’t keep a damn date. (Jesus take da Wheel).
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG and he is looking good…gooooood, I tell you…It’s not as romantic as it sounds. I am using the word “look” loosely. I haven’t actually seen him in person but we” web-camed” last night (uhummmm, fill in the blank).
So a few days ago he texted me one of those dreaded, “Who is this? I have your number in my phone but don’t remember you” texts (i.e. I am cleaning out my cell phone and I don’t really remember you but in the back of my mind I remember somebody by this name being cute). I didn’t respond….Then he followed a few minutes later with a text requesting that I send him a picture. Normally I wouldn’t comply, but I am still recovering from a few unfortunate blind dates in which I was not blind, so I am in a very humble state. (This is the first time in my life I regretted having lasik eye surgery. In the old days of ugly blind dates, I would have just taken my glasses off and felt for my utensils and glassware, pretending to make eye to eye contact, all the while focusing on blurred images). But I digress.
So we exchanged photos and he is even finer than I remembered. We then exchange a few more text messages and decide to chat on instant messenger and use our web cams (shout out to gay boys with web cams *wink* cause I know you are reading between these lines). Wouldn’t you know it, we ended up talking for 2 hours. We actually have a lot in common and he even made me laugh. So you knowwww what that means --- Get ready for two weeks of extreme depression, cause you know I asked him out, again……………
Wish me luck…….
So it has been about a month since I started blogging; two weeks of depression and a few weeks of being back in the saddle, looking and feeling good. WELL WOULDN”T YOU F’ING KNOW IT…….Do I even have to tell you…….Guess who decides to call out of the blue……Mr. Can’t tell time, To lazy to send a text, Can’t keep a damn date. (Jesus take da Wheel).
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG and he is looking good…gooooood, I tell you…It’s not as romantic as it sounds. I am using the word “look” loosely. I haven’t actually seen him in person but we” web-camed” last night (uhummmm, fill in the blank).
So a few days ago he texted me one of those dreaded, “Who is this? I have your number in my phone but don’t remember you” texts (i.e. I am cleaning out my cell phone and I don’t really remember you but in the back of my mind I remember somebody by this name being cute). I didn’t respond….Then he followed a few minutes later with a text requesting that I send him a picture. Normally I wouldn’t comply, but I am still recovering from a few unfortunate blind dates in which I was not blind, so I am in a very humble state. (This is the first time in my life I regretted having lasik eye surgery. In the old days of ugly blind dates, I would have just taken my glasses off and felt for my utensils and glassware, pretending to make eye to eye contact, all the while focusing on blurred images). But I digress.
So we exchanged photos and he is even finer than I remembered. We then exchange a few more text messages and decide to chat on instant messenger and use our web cams (shout out to gay boys with web cams *wink* cause I know you are reading between these lines). Wouldn’t you know it, we ended up talking for 2 hours. We actually have a lot in common and he even made me laugh. So you knowwww what that means --- Get ready for two weeks of extreme depression, cause you know I asked him out, again……………
Wish me luck…….
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Cain vs. Able 2 of 2
Gaysha’s Definition of a Closeted Man: A man who, 1) in his own heart believes he may be attracted to men, but has never acted on it, or if he has, it has been few and far between, and 2) who intends to live his life as a heterosexual, for whatever reasons (i.e. religious, family etc, etc.)
Closeted men and DL men are comparable to African Americans and Asians, both groups are minorities but the similarities and bonds end there. Until I was about 21 years old, I mentally trained myself to never look another man in the eye for more than a few seconds. I firmly believed that the eyes were the windows to the soul and I was terrified as to what another man might see.
All my life I knew I was different; by high school and college, I knew what that difference was. With this knowledge came a determination not to yield to temptation. If that meant fasting and praying and praying and fasting some more, than that was what I was committed to doing. This belief resulted in my organizing midnight prayers/bible studies in college, studying abroad in Africa so I would not be tempted and eventually moving out of Atlanta. I wanted so very desperately to be straight.
Unfortunately or fortunately, my steadfast determination proved to be the weaker of the opponents. However, almost systematically after giving in to temptation, I would retreat to days and weeks of self-hatred, culminating in serious contemplation of suicide, subconsciously thinking that if I was going to go to Hell for being gay, I was going to go on my own terms.
Closeted men and DL men are comparable to African Americans and Asians, both groups are minorities but the similarities and bonds end there. Until I was about 21 years old, I mentally trained myself to never look another man in the eye for more than a few seconds. I firmly believed that the eyes were the windows to the soul and I was terrified as to what another man might see.
All my life I knew I was different; by high school and college, I knew what that difference was. With this knowledge came a determination not to yield to temptation. If that meant fasting and praying and praying and fasting some more, than that was what I was committed to doing. This belief resulted in my organizing midnight prayers/bible studies in college, studying abroad in Africa so I would not be tempted and eventually moving out of Atlanta. I wanted so very desperately to be straight.
Unfortunately or fortunately, my steadfast determination proved to be the weaker of the opponents. However, almost systematically after giving in to temptation, I would retreat to days and weeks of self-hatred, culminating in serious contemplation of suicide, subconsciously thinking that if I was going to go to Hell for being gay, I was going to go on my own terms.
Even more elaborate than my suicidal thoughts were my preplanned funeral preparations. I imagined ticket scalpers and lines of people standing outside the church trying to get in, with a horse-drawn carriage waiting nearby for my funeral march to the graveyard. Inside the church, Kelly Price would be singing in the choir, bringing people to tears; nurses in white dresses and matching hats would be overwhelmed, frantically trying to revive the dozens and dozens of friends and family whose grief had overtaken them and caused them to lose consciousness. In my mind’s eye, the apex of the service would be when my mother, draped in black, would finally stand to her feet and scream, “If only he had told me, we love da gays”. But I digress.
The point I am trying to make, hopefully with a little humor, is that the life of the closeted gay man is often filled with self-tortured and misery; he is picked on in his youth for being different, he does his best for the next 20 years to be what society, friends and family expect of him. This desire to be normal, to fit in, to end the mounting speculation that intensifies with every additional bachelor year often drives him to a loveless marriage, normally to a less attractive woman who is willing to overlook his “walk” or "hand gestures". Unfortunately, often to the dismay of wives and children, these men come to the truth that everyone must eventually learn in order to be happy – that we are all perfect in God’s eyes and it is up to us to live in the light or be smothered to death by the dark.
These men are not deceitful, these men are confused. A confusion that is normally easily visible if one takes the time to look with a selfless eye. These men are on a journey of self discovery. Unfortunately, they will make mistakes along the way. Nevertheless, these men are deserving of our compassion, acceptance, patience and love. They are not DL men, although they are often forced to share the same lot.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Cain vs. Able part 1 of 2
After reading a few of the comments generated by my posts regarding homosexual traits, I now realize that there is some confusion amongst my “sit to piss” friends. It seems that a lot of ladies are using “closeted” and “down low” interchangeably. This is understandable since both are lay terms and have no established definitions. However, this can lead to very dangerous misinterpretations when assessing a person’s deceit level. I hope the next two posts provide some much needed clarity.
Gaysha’s Definition of Down Low or DL: A man who has come to 1) a firm decision(in his mind) that he is sexually attracted to members of the same sex, 2) has acted on it and 3) intends to act on it in the future.
Gaysha’s Definition of a Closeted Man: A man who, 1) in his own heart believes he may be attracted to men, but has never acted on it, or if he has, it has been few and far between and 2) who intends to live his life as a heterosexual, for whatever reasons (i.e. religious, family etc). The list of traits I previously provided will help one identify both the closeted and down low(DL) man, however, one's level of compassion and understanding for each type of man should be polar opposites.
The DL man is deceitful and is a pathological liar. He is dangerous because he thinks “not getting caught” is a game. He is overly confident and thinks of his wife/girlfriend as a fool or under his thumb. He thinks of his gay lovers as disposable toys or play things. Normally, he is the worst of the spoiled “mama’s boys.” The DL brotha loves being the unattainable in the gay community and the “poster boy” for the strong black man in the heterosexual community.
Because the DL man’s ego is so inflated, he has an exaggerated sense of self. And because he hasn’t been caught, he feels like luck is on his side. Unfortunately, this lucky feeling, the feeling that nothing bad can or will happen to him, often translates to him having unprotected homosexual sex. The ironic thing about the DL man is that because of his enlarged ego, in many ways he wants to get caught. He wants to be able to say to his wife/girlfriend out loud, what he thinks in his head “fuck you, you not going anywhere.” And the sad truth is that his assumption is often right. This type of man preys on women with low self esteem, limited resources and lack of family support. After finding such a woman, it is the DL man’s first priority to get his woman pregnant, thus ensuring her submissiveness and the clipping of her wings.
Another technique used by this type of man is to find a woman that is not “equally” suited to him. This woman doesn’t know why he chose her and nobody else does either. He is generally more attractive, successful and extroverted than his mate. He lives for an audience. This is all done to reinforce the timeless abusers’ mantra “if you leave, you will never find another like me.” To be clear, this is not the modus operandi (MO) of just the DL man, this is essentially the recipe of most domestic abusers. And that is just want a DL man is, an abuser.
To be continued. ………..
Gaysha’s Definition of Down Low or DL: A man who has come to 1) a firm decision(in his mind) that he is sexually attracted to members of the same sex, 2) has acted on it and 3) intends to act on it in the future.
Gaysha’s Definition of a Closeted Man: A man who, 1) in his own heart believes he may be attracted to men, but has never acted on it, or if he has, it has been few and far between and 2) who intends to live his life as a heterosexual, for whatever reasons (i.e. religious, family etc). The list of traits I previously provided will help one identify both the closeted and down low(DL) man, however, one's level of compassion and understanding for each type of man should be polar opposites.
The DL man is deceitful and is a pathological liar. He is dangerous because he thinks “not getting caught” is a game. He is overly confident and thinks of his wife/girlfriend as a fool or under his thumb. He thinks of his gay lovers as disposable toys or play things. Normally, he is the worst of the spoiled “mama’s boys.” The DL brotha loves being the unattainable in the gay community and the “poster boy” for the strong black man in the heterosexual community.
Because the DL man’s ego is so inflated, he has an exaggerated sense of self. And because he hasn’t been caught, he feels like luck is on his side. Unfortunately, this lucky feeling, the feeling that nothing bad can or will happen to him, often translates to him having unprotected homosexual sex. The ironic thing about the DL man is that because of his enlarged ego, in many ways he wants to get caught. He wants to be able to say to his wife/girlfriend out loud, what he thinks in his head “fuck you, you not going anywhere.” And the sad truth is that his assumption is often right. This type of man preys on women with low self esteem, limited resources and lack of family support. After finding such a woman, it is the DL man’s first priority to get his woman pregnant, thus ensuring her submissiveness and the clipping of her wings.
Another technique used by this type of man is to find a woman that is not “equally” suited to him. This woman doesn’t know why he chose her and nobody else does either. He is generally more attractive, successful and extroverted than his mate. He lives for an audience. This is all done to reinforce the timeless abusers’ mantra “if you leave, you will never find another like me.” To be clear, this is not the modus operandi (MO) of just the DL man, this is essentially the recipe of most domestic abusers. And that is just want a DL man is, an abuser.
To be continued. ………..
Friday, April 2, 2010
Gaysha on Relationship
Gaysha's 13 Truths About Relationships That Nobody Will Ever Tell You
1. Love does not equal a relationship.
2. One person will always like/love the other person more, just deal.
3. You can be right, or you can be in a relationship.
4. Love is not a cure all.
5. You can love two people at the same time.
6. Some things, God just don’t care about.
7. Sex with you can get boring.
8. Size does matter, his penis, her waist.
9. Every good man is not for every good woman.
10.People don’t really want you to be happy, unless they are to.
11. Sexuality is not black and white.
12. There is life after love.
13. Drinking can sometimes help.
1. Love does not equal a relationship.
2. One person will always like/love the other person more, just deal.
3. You can be right, or you can be in a relationship.
4. Love is not a cure all.
5. You can love two people at the same time.
6. Some things, God just don’t care about.
7. Sex with you can get boring.
8. Size does matter, his penis, her waist.
9. Every good man is not for every good woman.
10.People don’t really want you to be happy, unless they are to.
11. Sexuality is not black and white.
12. There is life after love.
13. Drinking can sometimes help.
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